Slipping Sanity
by Just-Met-A-Girl-Named-Maria
Summary: What happened to Maria after Tony's death? How does Anita, her mother and her father deal with it? Will the family stay together, or will their sanity slip away?
1. Chapter 1

**Yet another West Side fanfiction by me! I just have no life. Enjoy and please review!**

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Slipping Sanity

Juanita smiled. It had been the first time in nearly a year that her daughter had sat down to eat with her family. In fact, she hadn't eaten anything in months, except for the water that Anita forced down, and the alcohol. Maria sat staring blankly ahead of her. Juanita shakily put food in front of her. Her sanity was hanging by a thread. When Bernardo had been killed, she nearly lost it, and then when she had found out that Maria had planned to run away with her brother's murderer, it made it even worse. But now the boy she had been promised to was in jail for killing some Polack named Tony. And apparently Maria loved him. And now here she was, watching her daughter's sanity slip away with every passing moment. She was terrified that one wrong move would upset Maria, and that would be the final thread before she lost her completely. She would rather have her buried in the ground with Bernardo than watch her lose her mind.

"There you are Maria," she said placing the plate in front of her daughter.

Maria nodded in her direction, still not looking at her. She stared at the food in front of her. She jumped slightly when her Mama and Anita grabbed her hands to say a prayer. Maria bowed her head with the rest of her family, and she barely listened to the prayer. When her hands dropped back to her sides, she knew it was over. She continued to stare at the food, not wanting to eat any of it. None of it would make the dull ache inside of her go away. There was only one thing she knew could do that. But she would have to wait until everyone else was asleep to have any of that.

"Maria?" Juanita said gently, and Maria's eyes darted to her. "Are you going to eat?"

Maria nodded and reached out to grab her fork and knife. Her hands shook as she cut up the meat that was in front of her. She could feel her mother's eyes staring at her, watching her every move. She wished she would stop. She had finally cut a piece small enough to fit in her mouth, and she placed it on her tongue, and chewed. It tasted bitter. Almost like nothing. She swallowed and looked to her mother, hoping now that she saw her eat she would stop watching her. Juanita smiled widely and turned her attention to her own food. Before eating again, Maria swept her eyes around the table. Her father never looked up from his food. He had seen Maria as a complete disgrace after learning she had fallen in love with a murderer. He hadn't said a word to her since that day. Anita was also looking back and forth from the people at the table to her food. She and Maria made eye contact, and Anita gave her an encouraging look, and Maria smiled ever so slightly and turned back to her meal.

Juanita watched with envy. Maria was smiling. She _smiled. _What did Anita do that she didn't? Why was it that Anita could quiet down a screaming and crying Maria every night, but she never could? Why was it that Anita could get her to join them for dinner, but she couldn't? Why was it that Anita could make her _smile_, and she couldn't? She was her _mother. _Could it possibly be that Anita understood what Maria was going through? Anita had lost the love of her life as well. But thinking of this only infuriated her. _She_ had lost Bernardo too! Did Maria even _know_ how devastating it is to lose a child? Why didn't she ever speak to _her_? She understood! She wanted to help! _I don't want to lose another child because of hate! _

But instead of screaming, Juanita bit her tongue, and just remained silent. It was something that she had gotten very good at in the past year. She looked over at Maria, who was now pushing her food around.

Maria felt eyes on her again, and she looked up to see her mother staring at her again. She hastily went back to cutting up the food and putting it in her mouth. As soon as she looked away, she went right back to just staring at it. She began to think if she ate any more she might vomit. It was disgusting her. She saw from the corner of her eye her Papa get up and walk back to the counter. As he walked, he held his empty plate by his side loosely. He lifted it up in attempt to put it on the counter, but due to his loose grip it slipped out of his hands and landed with a crash on the floor.

Maria watched it all happen slowly. The crash echoed through her head, deafeningly loud. But she didn't hear a plate hitting the floor, she heard a gunshot. She shrieked with terror and fell out of her chair, causing the chair to topple over, and land on the floor with a loud bang. She shrieked again, watching everything come alive before her. He was lying on the cold hard floor…bleeding…if she had only run faster the bullet might have hit her instead…

"TONY!" she shrieked, reaching out to try to hold him.

"Maria!" Anita lowered herself to the floor beside Maria and tried to calm her down. She was thrashing all over the floor, continuously screaming his name. She seized her around the waist and pulled her towards her.

"NO! NO! I HAVE TO HELP HIM!" Maria clawed at Anita, but she would not let go. "LET ME GO! PLEASE!"

Juanita watched the scene before her, feeling totally helpless. Tears built up in her eyes. This was it. Her daughter was gone. In her place was a screaming skeleton. A lost soul.

Anita had finally gotten Maria to snap out of it, and she was now cradling her like a baby.

"What is the matter with you?" her father shouted, stalking towards Maria. "I only dropped a plate!"

"Stop it!" Juanita put her arms out to stop him from getting any closer to Maria. "She cannot help it!"

"It is disgusting!" he spat at her. "A disgrace!"

"_Stop_ it!" Juanita shouted, anger boiling up inside of her.

"Let go of me!" he threw Juanita to the ground. He bent down on the ground and began shouting horrible things at Maria in Spanish. Things like "He was a murderer," and "You are a pathetic waste of a life,"

"Stop that!" Anita scolded him, shielding Maria's face from him. "You are upsetting her more!"

Maria was now screaming again, clamping her hands over her ears so tightly, it looked as if she was squeezing her head. Anita lifted Maria off the floor and carried her out of the kitchen, placing her on her bed. Anita quickly shut the door and locked it. She sat down on Maria's bed and stroked her head for several minutes until she calmed down and fell asleep. The second Maria was asleep, Anita stood up and sat on the fire escape. She curled up into a ball, hugging her knees, and she sobbed into her arms. It was all too much. No one understood…no one cared…Anita knew she had to help Maria…she was her friend. And if it wasn't for her, Tony would probably still be alive. But what if Anita wanted someone to cradle _her_, and tell _her_ that it was going to be alright? Nobody ever comforted her. She was losing her mind too. She just didn't show it. Not that she was blaming Maria…everyone grieves differently. But no one would ever understand. The only one who would understand was Maria, but Maria had almost completely lost her mind. And Anita was going to lose hers too. Only no one cared about her. She was all alone. The only friend who would have stuck with her was Maria, but Maria was long gone. Anita was alone.

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Juanita stayed on the floor crying as her husband stormed out of the apartment and Anita rushed into Maria's room with Maria in her arms. She listened to the sound of her daughter's screams and simply cried harder. The only thing keeping her sane had just gone insane. Soon Maria had fallen silent, and there was the noise of a window opening and closing, and then there was silence. The silence was so loud that Juanita shook. She slowly got up and made her way towards Maria's room. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. She found the key in a drawer in her own bedroom where it always was. She opened the door and stepped inside, terrified of breaking the silence and waking her daughter up. She scanned the room for Anita, but she was nowhere to be seen. Brushing away that thought, she slowly walked towards the bed, where Maria was lying asleep. She watched as she tossed and turned in her sleep, her brow furrowed with worry. Her heart ached for her lonely and confused daughter.

_"Mama…mama…" _Maria mumbled in her sleep. Juanita's attention snapped back on her. _"Mama…mama…" _Her voice sounded just like it did when she was a little girl, back when everything was simple. Before the gangs, and the violence. Before the love, and the murder, and the death. _"Mama…'Nardo is hurt Mama…he is dying Mama…" _Juanita held in her breath. _"Killer…killer…" _What was she saying? _"Killer! Killer, killer, KILLER!" _Maria was now screaming again. Juanita sat down on the bed and held Maria's hand, hoping she would calm down. To her surprise and delight, she did.

_"Hold me…" _Juanita gathered her into her arms and held her like she did when she was little. _"Tighter…"_ She held her tighter.

_"There's a time for us…a time and place for us…" _Juanita couldn't make out the rest of what Maria was mumbling, but she knew what it all meant. She was dreaming about the night Bernardo was killed…the same night she planned to run away with that Polack. Juanita released her embrace on her daughter. This whole time, Maria was thinking she was the boy. And here she was thinking she had actually made Maria happy…She sighed, she would never make Maria happy. In order to do that, she would have to be that Tony. Juanita would never understand it. The boy had killed her brother. How could she want to run away with him? She shook her head and opened the window; and she found just the person she was looking for.

Anita jerked her head up at the sound of the window opening and quickly wiped her face clean of tears. "Is she alright?"

Juanita nodded. "Anita…I do not understand,"

"What?"

"That boy…that Tony…he…he killed Bernardo…" Anita cringed at the sound of his name. "Why did she still love him?"

Anita swallowed back sobs and took a deep breath. "I did not understand either. But they were in love. Their love was something different. Everything he was, she is too. He was all that she needed. He was all that she _had ._What else could she do?" Anita tried to remember what Maria had said to her that night. "At first I was so angry with her…I did not understand either. If Bernardo had killed someone close to me, I would be angry, but it would not stop me from loving him. Bernardo was my love," Anita sniffled and quickly wiped her eyes. "When love comes so strong, there is no right or wrong. Your love is your life," Anita looked up at Juanita to see if she understood any of it.

"She really did love him?" Juanita whispered. "That much?"

Anita nodded. Juanita took a deep breath and ducked back inside Maria's room. She gently sat down on the bed and kissed Maria's forehead. "I am so sorry this happened to you…" She got up and began to walk away.

"Mama?"

Juanita whirled around to see Maria looking back at her, her eyes wide open. She ran back to the bed and opened her arms unsurely. Maria threw herself into her Mama's arms. "I am so sorry…" Juanita sobbed. Mother and daughter embraced each other lovingly. Anita watched them from the fire escape, envy burning inside her. Suddenly, Maria turned and looked into Anita's eyes, and Anita understood. Anita rushed onto the bed and Juanita and Maria both threw their arms around Anita, and the three of them stayed in that embrace, crying on each other's shoulders for longer than any of them remembered.

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Days went by, and Maria's Papa never came back home. It was the last straw for Juanita. The rest of her days were spent in her room. Her sanity was gone. Maria never even knew her father was gone; he had never said anything to her anyway. She had stopped caring about anyone but Anita, because nobody else understood. Anita just kept pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind, praying that they would never resurface and cause her insanity. Her sole duty right now was to take care of Maria. At the end of each day, Anita would crawl into bed and cry herself to sleep, knowing that a new day would come tomorrow.

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**I think I have more that I want to write..but I'm not sure. Should I continue this or not bother? It would only be another chapter or two. Please review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Short chapter. Sorry it's been so long I've been crazy with rehearsals and performances and shows. Enjoy and please review!_

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Chapter 2

"Tony?" Maria mumbled, watching him waste away right before her. "Tony? TONY! TONY!"

There was blood everywhere. She was drowning in it. There was no air…she couldn't breathe…she couldn't see…all she smelt, saw, and tasted was blood…death…

"TONY!"

There were hands dragging her away from him. She tried desperately to get out of their grasp, to get back to Tony…to try to save him…

"TONY!"

"TONY!"

"Maria?" Anita held on tightly to her thrashing body, speaking with a soft gentle voice. "Maria? Maria, wake up, it's Anita,"

"NO! I HAVE TO...TONY!" she was reaching out in front of her, and then suddenly she clamped her hands over her ears and began screaming.

"Shh…it was only a dream Maria…" Anita pulled her in closer and held her there.

Maria looked up to see that the hands were Anita's, trying to get her to stop thrashing about, and the shouting voice was only Anita trying to get her to calm down. She stared at Anita for a moment and then she began to sob.

"It is alright baby…" Anita cradled her and stroked her head. "It was only a dream. I am here,"

She let her cry for many minutes, and when she was finally done, she looked up at Anita and smiled.

"What?" Anita asked.

"You are so pretty," Maria said airily, staring at Anita's face.

"So are you," Anita smiled back at her.

Maria chuckled. "Anita?"

"Yes?"

"Have I gone mad?" Maria said twisting her finger around a string hanging off of Anita's nightgown.

Anita didn't know what to say. She simply stared at Maria as she played with Anita's nightgown. She knew the answer. Maria wasn't entirely mad yet, but someday she would be.

"No, of course not," Anita lied, gently taking the string out of Maria's hand.

"Are you sure?" Maria had now taken to rubbing her hands since she had nothing else to do with her hands.

"Of course," Anita said, watching the way she rubbed her hands.

"If I was," Maria stopped staring at her hands and looked up at Anita. The way she looked at her reminded Anita of when they were children together, when Maria would give her a pleading look in attempt to stop Anita from doing something that would get them in trouble. "Would you send me away?"

"No! I would never send you away Maria!" she sat her up so that they were facing each other. "You are my friend, I would never let you live in any of those places that crazy people live in. I will take care of you. I always have and I always will,"

"Good," Maria said. "If you did, I do not know what I would do. If I was away from you…who would be there to hold me when I cry…?" Her voice trailed off and she began rubbing her hands again, staring blankly ahead of her.

"Oh Maria," Anita wrapped her arms around her and kissed her head. "I am always her to hold you,"

"Remember when we were little?" Maria said slipping out of Anita's grip. "And we would play together, and we would giggle all night until we fell asleep together?"

"Yes I remember," Anita said, smiling at the thought of the two of them as little children.

"I remember too," Maria said, laying down and pulling Anita down next to her. "'Nardo used to come into my room and yell at us to be quiet,"

"Yes," Anita said, taking a deep breath at the mention of Bernardo. "He did," Anita placed a blanket over the two of them.

"It hurts Anita,"

"What?" Anita turned to her confused.

"Everything. It just hurts," Maria mumbled, her voice trailing off.

"I know baby," Anita kissed her forehead. "It hurts me too,"


End file.
